The scene is familiar to Boomer children: A house chock full of stuff when they walk in their parents' home. Table tops are covered with treasured knick-knacks, photographs of generations gone by; bookshelves are filled with books that haven't been opened since we were in junior high. Even our childhood bedrooms remain the same, frozen as if we were still there. It is a nostalgic reminder of what used to be.<br><br>Depression-era Americans saved almost everything: Cool Whip containers, bread twister ties, mayonnaise jars, expired coupons, pantyhose from the 1940s, pencil nubs, tin pie plates, scraps of aluminum paper, and the plastic bags and piles of paper. The cupboards are full of canned goods, many with expired dates. The garages, attics, and outdoor sheds are full, too. As an estate expert who has worked with thousands of clients in homes too numerous to recall, I have seen and experienced it all.<br><br>While the very phrase, "estate expert", might conjure up a glamourous image, I can assure you that the opposite is true. Sorting through a lifetime of accumulation is hard work, emotionally as well as physically. Often, it is an instrumental part of the grieving process. Not only does it require heirs and siblings to work together as a team, the work demands a fluid process. If there is not plan of what needs to be done, false starts and stops will cause increased tension among the family.<br><br>There will always be children who disagree on everything, from the value of each item to how to sell and distribute the items. Feuding among heirs usually comes to a head when the division of personal property takes place. Another common source of tension occurs when one child wants to dispose of the estate rapidly, while another child wants to take the time to sort through everything, which can take years. This is where the family glue begins to dissolve.<br><br>The executor is the one who will bear the pressure from heirs, and often the blame of what goes wrong. An example of this is when an heir helps themselves to Mom's silver without notifying the other heirs. This is far more common than most realize. Much of these challenging issues can be alleviated or greatly minimized with some forethought and proper planning. (See my resources below for guidance for executors, heirs, and even the elderly parent.)<br><br>The first question when we enter an estate is: "Where do we begin? There's so much here and we don't know what to do." The closest family members should begin with the personal items, as they are the ones who should go through these: clothing, drawers, closets, toiletries, prescription medications, financial and legal papers, bills, etc. Once the personal items are sorted and dealt with, you should consider bringing in an estate expert to help you find the resources you need to complete the next steps. You need to valuate the personal property and furnishings, sell what the family does not want to keep, and clear out the house.<br><br>Without professional resources, this monumental task can take its toll on the family, and drag out for months or years. Most of us do not live in the same town as our parents, and these pressures often land on the child that is closest to the family home. it is not easy for either the local child, nor the long-distance child who might want to help out more. Many don't either have the finances to keep coming back to town, or are worried about taking a leave of absence from their jobs. Most people do not realize the difficulties that can arise, and the multi-faceted work involved in dealing with a lifetime of possessions.<br><br>Still, some do feel they can handle an estate on their own. If they are armed with the proper knowledge and education, they will close the estate and empty the family home. However, it is always best to hire professional resources. They will guide you through the process, and help you make the best decisions regarding the estate. This, in turn, will bring the family peace of mind. Always ask your attorney, other professionals, or people you trust for a referral. Be sure to check the Better Business Bureau to be sure the professional resources don't have any unresolved complaints against them.<br><br>Copyright 2009, The Estate Lady